Hard to swallow

Yesterday West was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, and the doctor told us that most likely Jack has it as well. We only took West to the psychologists, but he asked about our other children. We were told that aspergers is inherited, and is more common in boys than girls, and if one of your boys has it, then more than likely your others will too. Aspergers is an autism spectrum disorder, that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.

The symptoms West has:
*Easily frustrated- when West tries to do anything and it does not go his way, he completely melts down, sobs, cries, and he can't be comforted. I try to hold him and he just wants down.
*West hates change, he just can't handle it. When I want him to do something other than what he is doing he completely melts down.
*Taking him anywhere is a chore, I never know how long he will last. I honestly can't remember the last time I took him to the store without him throwing a huge tantrum. I dread taking him anywhere, even though I want too.
*West is very anxious in social situations, whenever we go to the mall to play, he basically just sits on my lap, I can tell he is very uncomfortable. When he first entered nursery he sat on the nursery leaders lap for 4 months, before he would get down and play.
*He has a very hard time looking people in the eyes, again very uncomfortable for him.
*When he plays with a toy he is very focused and it is hard to pull him away.
*Rocks when he is angry or frustrated.
*He hates light touch.
*Wants to play by himself, and there is only one specific way to play with each toy. He will line his toys up and if they are touched by anymore, the world has ended.

Jack exhibits a lot of those qualities, but since he talked early and interacts really well with others, I never ever even thought that he had any problems, especially aspergers. When the psychologists said he probably did I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

For a while Aaron and I had known that there was something different with West, but we were not quite sure what it was, but I never suspected anything with Jack. After the psychologists explained things to us, a lot of Jacks actions, and melt downs seemed to fit as well. Anytime someone touches his toys he dies, and I can't calm him down. He wants me to play with him, but only a specific way. And apparently a lot of aspergers kids talk early, and are really smart. But not only do they talk early, they have one-sided conversations, and tend to be up in your face, which describes Jack perfectly.

I knew that West was having problems, but not having any idea that Jack did, really hit me hard. My boys have been really hard, but I thought for the most part that they were just being boys. I have wondered what I was doing wrong, why don't they just understand me, and listen. Most days I am at my wits end, and I hate to say it, but most days I lose it with them. I am a very patient person, and I could just not understand where my patients had gone. Now knowing that there has been something else at work kind of out of my control and helped.

We are going to be putting West into a program for kids with aspergers, and looking at getting him into a special pre-k that starts at age three. We were told that if we start early, and work with our boys, that they should be able to go to normal elementary schools, and will be able to adjust. They will have aspergers their whole life, but we can manage their symptoms, and they should be able to live normal lives. Knowledge is power, and I am so grateful that I know what is going on and will be given tools to help my boys and Aaron and I. I am also so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, who are constantly comforting me, and for supportive family and friends.